Man in Body, Woman in Heart: A Transgender’s Travails

 

Meera and Sadhna looked like two sisters. Meera was in a saree, and Sadhna wore salwar and kameez. I had met Sadhna, once. Now when I saw both of them together, I felt like seeing them somewhere earlier. When I told, Meera said, “Many mistake us as two sisters. After ‘Subham’s Story’ was telecast in OTV, most of the persons who meet us, say, we are a married couple.”

I remembered. After Delhi High Court legalized same sex relation in 2009, ‘Subham’s Story’ was telecast. ‘Subham’s Story’ was a documentary film on love and relationship between two males. Meera and Sadhna acted in that documentary.

In a historic judgement on 2 July, 2009, the Delhi High Court legalized same sex relationship and pronounced section 377 of Indian Penal Court as violative of Articles 14, 15 and 21 on the Constitution.

The judgement had encouraged and boosted the morale of the LGBTQ fraternity.

“No actor was interested to act in Sobham’s Story, we had to act,” Meera said.

Sadhna added, her family members were infuriated after ‘Subham’s Story’ was telecast. The newspapers also published their photographs. It was the time of Rathyatra. They had gone to Puri. The manager of the hotel was amazed at seeing both and told, they had, perhaps, gone to Puri for honeymoon after their marriage. The manager sincerely believed it.

Aiswariya had taken me to Meera and Sadhna. Aiswariya addressed Sadhna as Sadhna Ma.

Aiswariya worked in our organization. I knew her from the day she joined, since I trained the newly recruits. Then, she was ‘he’; had not done Sex Reorganization Surgery (SRS), and changed by affidavit his name from Ratikant to Aiswariya.

(Aiswariya with the book, receiving from Debashish, Proprietor, Aditya Bharat Publications)

One day, I happened to meet Ratikant in a marriage reception. He was in a woman’s attire; in jeans with kurta, and covered his chest with a stole. He wore small, star shaped ear ring, and lipstick on her lips. My colleague and her batchmate, Deepa Nayak said, “He is a transgender.”

I did not know much about transgenders or kinnars. I did not have favourable impression on them. By kinnars, I meant, the hijras begging on the train compartments. Males in female attire would make lewd jokes and behave lecherously with the male passengers. I gave them a few rupees out of fear, just to drive them away from me, if they approached me in the train. But many men travelling in the train also enjoyed their lewd and lustful talks and acts. They enjoyed cracking jokes with them.

Next day, I discussed about this with my friend and colleague, Sambit. Sambit said, “They are men in bodies, but women in hearts.” To know more about them, he gave me a book, ‘Lady Boys’ of Susan Aldous. He had been to Bangkok, and purchased this book from Bangkok airport.

Kinnar is a man in body, but woman in heart and mind, in other words, woman trapped in man’s body. A boy becomes aware about his femininity when he is eight- or nine-year-old. He behaves like a girl. He loves to wear girl’s dress. Ratikant (or Aiswariya) says, when he was in his village, the boys brought wood from the jungle on their shoulders, but he carried on his head like the girls in their locality did. He preferred girls to boys to play with. When his sister was not home, he wore her dress and looked himself at the mirror.

The womanly qualities of a transgender get prominent as he grows up. He does not understand his sexuality when he compares him with other boys and gets confused. Mayadhar (Meera’s name before he did SRS) says, he thought at this phase of his life, it was a disease. But he could not confide in anyone. Had he consulted a doctor or a psychologist, they might have cleared his doubts. But Mayadhar’s father was not educated. Mayadhar’s health was alright, having no symptoms of any illness, why should they go to a doctor? Mayadhar had also not confided in his father any kind of inconsistency in his personality since he did not understand himself, and was confused.

Mayadhar’s father had a small hotel in Bhubaneswar. He left his village and stayed with his father. He was going to learn dancing from a dance teacher. He met there a boy like him, having similar traits. He could not ask him nor he had the courage to ask Mayadhar. He had always misgivings in his mind as to when boys were attracted towards girls how he was attracted towards boys?

(Book Release, Sadhna standing at extreme left.)

People call ‘maichia’(effeminate) or ‘chhaka’ when a boy behaves like a girl. They easily fall victims to sex exploitation. Ratikant (or Aiswariya) says, in his childhood older boys forcibly took him to secluded places and used to ravish and rape him. Meera says, eighty percent of kinnars must have been raped by their teachers in their school days. The society’s reactions are not strong for rape of a ‘maichia’ as it reacts to the rape of a girl. People say, why a boy should behave like a girl? They take them to be boys, and do not give much importance of any sexual assault on them.

The society, divided between man and woman, does not recognize a kinnar as a different/special gender. His parents also do not accept if their son behaves like a daughter. All the kinnars born in middle or poor class have, more or less, the experience of neglect and torture by their parents and siblings. Father of the kinnar feels birth of a son having feminine qualities is a slur on his manliness. Ratikant’s (Aiswariya) father castigated him saying a goat was born in the family of a tiger. His brother used to beat him for no reason, sometimes, practicing boxing with him using his body as punching bag. His disillusioned father did not object.

Under the circumstance, being subject to neglect and torture by the family and society since the very childhood, they develop constricted personality. Those who are born in lower middle class or poor families cannot even go to school or college. Since their personality does not develop, they cannot get proper education, they adopt three professions: Badhai (Blessing), Begging and Prostitution.

The people of Ajodhya followed Ramachandra when he went to the forest for fourteen-year- exile. He requested the citizens of Ajodhya at the border to return to their homes, and he went to the forest with his brother Laxman and wife Sita. He returned after completing the fourteen- year-exile, and found some persons were sitting at the border. He asked, “Why are you sitting here?” They replied, “We had come along with others when you went to the jungle for the exile, fourteen years ago. Here, you urged the people to return and said, ‘O! My beloved ladies and gentlemen of Ajodhya, please return your homes from here, and allow us to follow our principles and discharge our duty.’ But we are neither ladies nor gentlemen, neither man nor woman. We are kinnars. Such direction was not applicable to us. We did not have your direction, neither to follow, nor to return. So, we are here.”

Their devotion overwhelmed Ramachandra. Pleased, he granted them a boon: they would have the power of badhai for the newlyweds or newly born babies; they could bless or curse. Their curse or blessings would have effect on the receivers.

In the north and western India, people believe kinnars’ blessing or curse has results. But in Odisha, people don’t have such faith except the non-Odias and Marwaries living in the state. In Odisha, they don’t earn much from badhai; in other states also, they cannot live on badhai alone. They have to resort to begging and prostitution in order to survive.

Kinnars worship Bahuchra Mata.

The husband did not go to the girl in the night after her marriage. Instead, he went to the jungle riding a horse. All blamed the girl. They accused; the girl did not have traits of a woman to attract the man. There might also be a reason that the man had a concubine, and he went to her in the night.

One day, to know the truth, the girl followed the man. She did not have a horse. A jungle cock, realizing the helplessness of the girl, volunteered to help her. The girl followed her husband riding the cock. She discovered her husband, in woman’s attire, behaving like a woman in a secluded place inside the jungle.

The sight enraged her. She said, “If you are like this, why did you marry me?” The girl turned into the goddess, Bahuchara when she was angry. The man trembled with fear. He told his family members forced him to marry. They wanted children out of the marriage that would further their family lineage.

Goddess Bahuchara was sorry for the pitiable condition of her husband and said, “Men like you will have to castrate your male genitals, wear woman’s dress and worship me.”

The temple of Bahuchara Mata is situated in Gujrat.

Castration of male genitals and initiation into Kinnars’ community is called Nirvan or salvation. In Budhism, freedom from bondage, sorrow and the reasons of the sorrow is called Nirvan. In similar vein, freedom from the males’ body is called Nirvan in Kinnars’ community. They get a new identity and respect after Nirvan. The kinnars have a kind of hatred towards their male bodies, and they desire to get rid of it by castrating the male genitals.

(Report in the newspaper on book release)

The kinnars have desire to marry Iravan. They want, at least, to visit the temple of Iravan situated in Koovagam village, Kalkakurichi district of Tamilnadu, once in their life time. It’s a sort of pilgrimage for them.

On the eve of the great war of Mahabharat, the Pandavs heard the voice of Goddess of War that they had to propitiate the Goddess by human sacrifice. There were only three perfect males from the Pandavs fit for sacrifice for the Goddess. They were Srikrishna, Arjun and Iravan. Iravan was the son of Arjun from the princess of Nagas. Neither Srikrishna nor Arjun could be sacrificed as it was impossible to win the war without them. Iravan had to be sacrificed. Iravan agreed for the sacrifice on one condition: he would marry, at least, for a day. “For, what is the meaning and value of life, if no woman weeps for the death of a husband?”

But no woman agreed to marry Iravan for a day to become window, the next day. At last, Srikrisna agreed, turned into Mohini, a beautiful woman, and married Iravan. The next day after Iravan was sacrificed before the Goddess, Mohini became widow, and wept for the death of Iravan. She wept so much for the death of Iravan that no woman had ever wept for death of her husband.

Every year, on the full moon night of Chaitra, a festival is organized in the Koovagam village of Tamilnadu. Thousands of kinnars assemble there, marry Iravan and suffer from widowhood.

The kinnars, from their very childhood, have been subject to parental neglect, injustice and oppression, and also fall prey to sexual exploitation. Their personality does not develop, and they suffer from inferiority complex. The Supreme Court, in a historic judgement on 15 April, 2014, has recognized them as third gender and instructed the governments to provide reservations for them in government services, and take welfare measures to bring them to the mainstream of the society. The Supreme Court also, in its judgement on 6 September 2018 has decriminalized section 377 of IPC, and legalized sex between adults of same sex with consent.

We were discussing SRS (Sex Reassignment Surgery) or castration of male genitals. Advanced method in hospitals is expensive, beyond the means of kinnars who live on prostitution or begging. The traditional method of castration is risky and painful. In the traditional method, even anesthesia is not used for surgery. The person is given opium or alcohol. He is told to bite his long hair and chant the name of goddess Bahuchara Mata. Two or three kinnars hold him tight, and his male genitals are cut off with a sharp weapon. There is also a belief excess flow of blood drains off masculinity of the trans-man, and transforms him to her.

I said, “Is SRS or castration necessary? This is painful, besides being risky. An awareness should be created against this tradition.”

“Giving birth to a child is also painful,” Sadhna said and added, “you people cannot understand the pain of a woman trapped in a male’s body. Only a kinnar realizes, no one else.”

The governments, both Central and state governments, after the Supreme Court decision, are taking steps to uplift the conditions of the transgenders. Laws are made. But will the society accept them? It will take time for social acceptance. Awareness should be created among the people.

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